Browsed by
Author: Shanae

Update and Internet!(finally)

Update and Internet!(finally)

Hello everyone! It’s been quite a while since I was able to get online! We are are back in Texas, and perhaps one day I’ll delve into why, but for now let’s focus on the positives. While I was away, I REALLY enjoyed my job, and though I’m sad to leave it, I wouldn’t have traded my time there for anything in the world. I’ve become a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. I’ve definitely fully enjoyed the time I spent in Columbus, Ohio I don’t think I’ pick that as a place to live again. There was a lot to see, but honestly the city itself had no allure. I know after travelling there really are some marvelous and beautiful things about the state itself.

I promise this coming week I’ll have a decent blog post ready. I just wanted to let you all know that I am still alive, and back online! Love you all!

MOVING UPDATE

MOVING UPDATE

Hey everyone! Well, we made it to Ohio late saturday. The weather is currently kicking my ass, and causing my lungs to freak out a little, but overall being here so far has been alright. I did manage to find a small job 6am-9am morning work at an equestrian center here, so that will give me something to do.

I don’t have internet right now, so am having to rely on my phone alone. Terrible, I know. However, we will be getting internet within the next couple of weeks. As soon as we do, I promise to tell you all of my adventures getting here.

Moving Day: Coming Soon

Moving Day: Coming Soon

Well, it’s official. Down to the wire. In 2 weeks I say goodbye to Texas and hello to 1300 miles of driving to my destination in Ohio. New adventures, new opportunities, and well, some negatives too, but I refuse to dwell on them any longer. This week I’ve spent a lot of quality time with the kiddo since I won’t see her for a few weeks, including going to the main park downtown here. She loved going across the bridges and seeing the ducks, and we even managed to get some decent pictures.


Concho River Duckies!
She really had a lot of fun, and asked if I’d take her again this week, and yes, we will definitely be having another “adventure” this week, because it was fun, and good exercise for me! Lots of walking! I’ve managed to lose another 5lbs this month, and feel very accomplished with the small step in the right direction. Also, except for yesterday, I’ve literally had no soda pop or sugary drinks(except my coffee creamer)

David even went with us to the park, and hand fed a duck a pizza crust(I really don’t think they’re supposed to have pizza o.O It was kind of cool to see him feeding it, but I’m never getting close to one. I’ve been chased by those assholes a few times, and geese are jerks! -.-


David walking around the ducks.
Well, on Wednesday I get the headlight on my car ordered from Amazon, and when it comes in get it put on registration sticker taken care of, and then we really prepare to get going. Wednesday is also when I am supposed to be going to Best Buy(that’s all we really have for electronics in this craptastic town) to pick out my new laptop and I’m like, 99% sure I know what I’m getting, but I still feel like I’ll spend a couple of hours boring David while I change my mind another 50 times xD

The one thing I am going to miss are the mild weather days we’ve had around here most of winter. It stays pretty cold up in OH during the winter…meaning my sister-in-law said on average the high is like 40…sooo I’m probably going to freeze to death this coming winter. Still, I’d rather deal with the cold than the 100F+ degree heat we get here during the summer. Also, no evil grass stickers so I might actually be able to enjoy grass without feeling the earth trying to murder my feet. Let’s not forget, as a former equestrian I will be beside myself getting to attend the Equine Affaire this year. I’m probably going to blow money on shit I have no use for just because. Also, I have been trying to coerce David into letting me lease a horse after he finds a decent job. I only say that because it’s still a bit more cost effective for me than buying my own at the moment, but as it’s pretty much the only hobby I’ve ever had that is no relation to the internet or reading, he’s encouraging it while wincing at the cost of the horse industry.

I’m trying to look at all the positives and opportunities moving will bring me, and dwelling less on the negatives of doing so. There really is no sense in letting myself be depressed when I know that in the long run, this is definitely for the better, and I am very much trying to enjoy it and have a positive outlook on it all. I’m glad that, despite it all, everything is already looking more positive, and I really think I’ll be able to even achieve my weight goals once I get away from all this unnecessary stress!

 

Before I go, I have a recommendation for you all that like YA romance novels. If you haven’t yet, give Julie Kagawa’s “The Iron Fey” series a chance. I was pleasantly surprised that it was pretty decent. Even has a major Shakespearean influence! The first book is called Iron King and I’ve read through all 4 of the books, and I really did enjoy it for a find at our closing media store!

The time has come…

The time has come…

To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.

Okay, no idea where Alice Through the Looking Glass came from. Just popped into my head randomly so we’re going with it!
Well, my room is getting bare. Everything has been taken off the walls, most of my life is packed into bloxes aside form basic necessities I may need over the next couple of weeks. My car has been cleaned and vacuumed, boxes packed into that will fit, and now I am sitting with a cup of tea enjoying the silence while my daughter plays with her new Disney barbies.

Downsides

It’s beginning to hit me hard that for the first time in her life, she will be away from me frequently and for extended periods of time. Her father has joint-custody and wants her every other 6 weeks, and as of right now I have no choice but to agree. That means every 6 weeks I will be driving 10 hours to “meet in the middle” to pick her up/drop her off, then 10 hours back home. The driving doesn’t bother me really. I need to learn to become more comfortable behind the wheel of a vehicle anyhow.
However, being without her that long is going to really mess with me emotionally. I’ve spent her whole life, aside from about a year where I had no choice, being a stay at home mother. I’ve catered to her needs daily, and always been there if she was sick, hurt, or just needed mommy. Now I can still do those things, but from behind a computer or phone screen. I will video chat with her every day, but in the end, it still is not even close to the same. I cannot feel her, hug her, or give her kisses. She’s not even old enough to understand why it has to be this way.
It upsets me even more because her father is merely doing this out of spite, as when she is with him now, living in the same city, he yells at her and ignores her constantly. I don’t expect it to be any better once I leave either. As parents, it is our duty to care for our children. To love and cherish them, and to teach them how to be productive members of society once they come of age. We are to do this, no matter how we might feel about our child’s other parent. It is going to be a hell of a rough transition, but thankfully I will have everything set up for her once we move, and give her something fun and exciting to come home to. I’ve told myself to always look at he silver lining, and think about how amazing I’ll be able to make her room for when she gets to see it!

Sights To See

Aside from the worrying about Emma, I am warming up to the moving idea quickly. The more something negative or frustrating happens here, the more moving away sounds desirable. I have spent about 10 years of my life in this city, and it’s been about 7 years too long, if you ask me! Want to know what I am looking forward to the most about Columbus? A BOOKSTORE! A REAL BOOKSTORE!

Where I live currently there is very little to do, despite being a relatively decent sized city(over 100K population). Of course where I am moving to the census in 2010 said there were about 8 times that amount. I’d assume there’s about 900K-1 million people in the city as of now, possibly more. Therefore of course there is more demand for things like bookstores. Also, they have one of the highest ranking zoos/aquariums in the United States, and while I don’t particularly enjoy zoos(I always feel a bit sad for the animals) this is something Emma will love. I also read up on a few amusement parks near where I’ll be living, and they too are very highly recommended.

The city parks are what I’ll be looking forward to most after having a bookstore nearby. I love to go read in parks, and since I won’t be having to deal with 100+ degree weather any longer, I will possibly be able to actually enjoy summers! that is something I simply cannot wait for! David was completely amazing while packing up the top of the closet and found my Kindle Paperwhite that I thought was gone forever to abyss where socks disappear to. So I’m charging it and whatnot right now! I hope all of my books are still there, but if not it’s not a total loss. Most of them were classic literature books that were free on the kindle store.

Also I’ve heard the gardens are to die for they’re so beautiful. I’ll have to take some photos, because after getting some stuff unpacked, I told David probably the second or third day we’re there I want him to take me to sight see. He’s from Columbus so he should be able to help me find some really pretty places! As a plus it might help with my depression from being separated from Emma too. Not to mention I’ll already know the best places to take her once I pick her up!

Moving Headache

Well, one downside is definitely the cost associated with moving! We were going to rent a moving truck and pull my car behind, but they wanted 850 for the truck and another 150 for the toy dolly for my car. I said no thank you. Definitely not. I will not pay $1100 to move PLUS the about $600 in gas the truck would cost me. Nah, bruh, I’m good. So as silly as it sounds we are going to install a pull on my little 2013 Hyundai Accent(which surprisingly can tow up to 2000 lbs apparently o.O) and pull a small trailer with it. I really don’t ave a lot of stuff, and we wouldn’t be taking a trailer at all except the two pieces of furniture I do own are my bed and desk, which no matter how good at TETRIS I might be, it’s not fitting in my tiny car bahaha. So right now that’s the plan, and just cover the stuff on the little trailer with one of those plastic tarp things in case it rains or whatever. I’d much rather pay about $400 plus gas in my own car than around $1500-$1600 for a moving van when I don’t even really need all that space in the first place.

Have you guys ever moved as adults? If so, how did you handle everything?

Timeless Thoughts

Timeless Thoughts

For this round of Timeless Thoughts I am going to cover two topics. One good, and the other, not so much, and all within the same letter format. I actually hadn’t planned on participating this time around due to thinking about only negative things. However, after reading an entry by Georgie, I realised that sometimes something very good can come out of something very negative. Therefore perhaps part of this story will help someone else, just like her entry helped me. Let’s all inspire and help one another!

Letter to myself at 23

Dear Shannon,
I know you’re feeling completely down right now, and very hopeless. How could you not? You have a newborn, filed from divorce from your husband, who you married far too young in the first place, and now you feel like you’ve wasted five years of your life. No matter what is going through your head, this is not the end all for you, not by a long shot. You’ve just moved back in with your alcoholic, drug addicted parents just to keep a roof over you and your daughter’s head, which you married her father to escape from in the first place. Yeah, they kick you out later on, so they’re still shitty people. Also, you’re going to drop your first name all but legally and start referring to yourself as Shanae again.
I know you feel like a failure right now, but I promise you’re doing the best you can to provide for her. It’s not going to be easy, you’ll make mistakes, but don’t worry, you still are a very good mom to her despite it all. Hang in there because you’re going to get a stupid job delivering pizzas, because you have to drop out of college(yes I know you refused to do it, but sometimes life is beyond your control)
That pizza job is where you’re going to meet a couple of really good friends, even though you’re going to get completely fucked over by someone you’ve known since high school. It’s okay though, I can tell you right now he’s not worth the tears, and you really are just lonely and confused right now. Stay away and don’t buy into his bullshit. Please.

You’re going to buy into it anyways, but it’s extremely short lived. I promise you’re going to feel unimportant and unattractive and a bunch of other negative feels as a result of dealing with this douche, but it get’s so much better from here on out. There are some really amazing points to this year. A friend you meet at your craptastic job is going to pull you out of the fire and show you there’s still plenty of live after what you’ve been through. He’s going to give you way to deal with your emotional trauma, and you need to listen. Don’t argue. I know how much you love starting shit, but don’t.(You’ll grow out of that soon as well) He really does know what he’s talking about.

Also, you’re going to start drinking yourself sick on nights your baby girl is with her dad, and you really shouldn’t do that, because one day you’re going to wake up for work still drunk and go in anyways. That’s a bad idea. You get pretty sick, and throw up on the new cook. The new cook that you’re going to marry in a couple of years. He never let’s you forget it either, but at least makes light of the situation. Actually, the day after you throw up on him, your friend invites him over to your house since your kiddo is with her dad, and those are really bad days for you still. Things go well, and for the first time in over half a year you’re having a few drinks out of enjoyment, not the feeling of becoming numb. It may not feel like it, but you’re on your own road to recovery at this point. Your mental health is still pretty bad, and you’re having a lot of trouble dealing with it, but still, you do in your own way. It’s not a healthy way by any means, but better than the suicidal thoughts running through your head. Your daughter will NOT be better off without you, so stop thinking that.

You date this guy, and things start improving for you and your kiddo, so don’t worry. Ignore the fact that he’s four years younger than you. Seriously. It’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. Stop finding excuses to talk yourself out of this relationship. You’re scared, and unsure, but really it does work out. He’s definitely your prince Charming…just the rough draft that needs fine tuning. He’s a good guy with his own troubles, but I promise despite it all you have a bright future ahead of you. You two are going to get a health scare on his part when you find out he has testicular cancer. Don’t panic! He get’s surgery and everything goes smoothly for the most part. You’re going to have a lot of negative feelings about how difficult it’s going to prove to conceive again, but don’t give up! Just hang in there, because once you turn 2(I know a long time to deal with some awful shit) things really start looking better. You’re even enrolling to finish your degree, you’re starting a new chapter in your life, and you’re making some good friends: both virtually and in your daily life. Oh and Emma is just like you, only better, so don’t worry about her. She turned 4 today and is an amazing kid! Keep your head up no matter what!

-Shanae

P.S. you still haven’t had another baby, but remember everything happen in it’s own time. Focus on your health, and your own mental state. Improve them first, then worry about expanding your family, not until then. There’s nothing wrong with only one child, so never forget that!

Let’s Review: January 2017

Let’s Review: January 2017

I can honestly say that so far, the year hasn’t done me too wrong. I’ve actually stuck to some positive changes I have been telling myself to make for about three years now. We are supposed to be moving across the country to Ohio at the end of March. I’ve never been there, but it’s where David, my husband, is from. Though he promises me I’ll love it, and it is the fresh start in life I need, I am still very worried. I also tend to worry far more than I should.

My biggest issue I need to overcome is my depression. I suffer from severe depression and bi-polar disorder, and some days it’s debilitating. I have a horrible time dealing with my self-esteem issues as well as how I feel about life in general, and I’ve resolved to change that. Chemical imbalances in my brain or not, if I look at everything in a more positive light, I think it would make a major difference.

I’ve also been reading a bit more, and practicing my art skills. I realize I stopped drawing and writing, and that may be why I feel so down. I basically just stopped doing everything I loved doing. Time for that to stop. I basically gave myself what I like to call a “Come to Jesus” meeting where I told myself enough is enough with the pity part. I got a shit luck of the draw in life, so what? A lot of people do, and they don’t let it stop them, so why am I? I told David all of this, and how I’d been feeling, and that’s when he called his dad in Columbus(OH) and his dad offered to help us start a life there, including trying to get David on at his job. That would mean health insurance(right now I have none) so I can properly treat my mental issues, as well as decent pay. I don’t want to leave, because I am a creature of habit, however even I agree it’s what is best.

One good thing that happened to me this month is that I filed my taxes, and even managed to lose about 4 more pounds! So at least it’s a step in the right direction! That did make me feel better about myself, honestly. I’m learning to take small victories and see the silver lining in everything that happens, weather good or bad.

 

Recap taken from my lovely Georgie:

This past month, I learned:

  • It’s okay to fail sometimes
  • Not everything will always go as planned
  • Power through the bad
  • See the good in everything

This past month, I got bored of:

  • Being down all the time
  • Watching TV
  • My animals shedding

But that’s OK, because I enjoyed:

  • Spending more time with my daughter
  • Starting a new novella
  • Beginning to blog again and making new friends as a result

Today, something that made me happy was:

Being able to wake up at a decent hour, and enjoy some part of the day so far. Also, beginning to declutter and get rid of things that I no longer need nor care about.

Today, something I could have done better was:

Not start my day off immediately worrying about things I cannot change today.

Tomorrow, I’m going to:

Make a conscious effort to continue throwing out things of no importance, as well as smile more!

Next month, I’m looking forward to:

  • Getting a haircut
  • Weighing myself(and hopefully it’s smaller, otherwise I won’t be looking forward to it😆
  • Beginning to pack up items I can live a few weeks without

Next month, I’m going to make the positive change of:

  • Being more organized
  • Reading two books I”ve never read(weather it be a new novel or manga)
  • Cooking more home-cooked meals

One thing on my to-do list is:

Adding more content to my blog, and making it how I’d like it to be. I not only want to provide things for others, but also really make this little space on the web my own. I don’t plan on playing the “conforming” game, so I need to find out what works best for me, and do it. I’ve also been commenting on other blogs more, because what’s the point in having my own space if I don’t have friends to share it with, right?

One happy photo from this month is:


The day after my birthday, I had to get out at like, 7am to run an errand. My husband decided to go with me, as it still hadn’t gone to bed(he works late night shifts) Well after an errand I said I’d like to go home and get some toast or something. Instead, he surprised me with stopping at my favourite burrito place down the street. He said he knows I will really miss to handmade hispanic food here, and so I should enjoy it while I can. He worked on my birthday, so I’m very happy we got to spend some quality time together! Also I ate two guiso and cheese burritos and was so fully I didn’t eat again until dinner o.O

If I had to write a book or record a film about this past month, I would call it:

Finding Shanae (not a fish story, sorry)

After I post this, I’m going to:

Go make myself something to eat, and brush my hair and wash my face.

 

Questions

  • Did you have any accomplishments for January 2017?
  • Any major goals you have for February?
  • I’m looking at getting a new laptop. PC or MAC? And why? Also, what make/model do you prefer?
Impossible skincare regimens…and why we go overboard

Impossible skincare regimens…and why we go overboard

As our society tells us more and more each year how “perfect” we must be, we as women tend to go far above and beyond to retain youthful appearances. I am definitely no exception. Hell, today is my 26th birthday, and I’m more worried about the fact I am now closer to 30 than 20 and have very little to show for it. Also, those pesky wrinkles! Seriously, just no. Every day in the media we see what society deems beautiful and constantly criticize ourselves for not matching up to their standards. I know I used to spend valuable money on everything recommended to me by anyone in desperate attempts at preventing/fading wrinkles, pores, ect. However, I finally realized I was actually doing more harm than good, because all of these so-called “kits” had so many artificial ingredients and chemicals I was actually hurting my cause severely. Thankfully my best friend got fed up with my constant complaining and exasperation and introduced me to Pacifica. Thank you Kelsey!

Now, I won’t lie, it really isn’t a “fix all” or anything, and obviously something that works for one woman doesn’t always work for the next. I like the brand simply because it is a higher end than drugstore brand, but still falls in affordability. The company boasts their products are “formulated with a bevy of natural ingredients for healthy, bright and more youthful skin”, also they claim that every single product is created with zero animal product, sulfates, phthalates, parabens, sulfates, propylene glycol, mineral oil, petroleum, peanut oil, triclosan, and “other ingredients you do not want on your skin”. Everything is vegan and natural, even the makeup. For someone with troublesome and combination skin, this is a great thing for me. Honestly I wasn’t always good about skincare and whatnot, I was a smoker for 5 years, and just a complete rubbish job of caring for my skin period. I can say with complete honesty after a month of using the Super Detox Natural Solutions Kit my skin already looks about 5 years younger, and is much smoother than before(I wasn’t smart enough to upload before and after pictures this time) I will say that my skin is quite a bit less oily and just has an overall more even skin tone than before, and I have definitely noticed a reduction in my pore size! (Thank God because that is my biggest issue with my face)

I will be trying the Your Face Just Got Lucky set after completely done with the detox set. I usually buy the sets just because I tend to get lucky enough to run out of all the products around the same time, but obviously you can buy different items and create your own personal regimen. I definitely give Pacifica a 9/10 for my personal use, and recommend it for anyone to try if you’re still searching for a good skin care regimen.

New Year, New Site, New…Everything?

New Year, New Site, New…Everything?

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 

Hello my fellow internet bloggers and readers. I decided it is high time I blogged once more. It has been many, many years since I have owned or operated a site. I have missed it. I have missed the companionship I have found in other bloggers, and many other aspects of being a part of the site community.  I can honestly say, it is very good to be back, and I do hope to forge new friendships in this endavour as well as give myself a bit of stress relief in sharing my day to day life, opinions, and experiences.

Just a bit about me, as I have yet to create an “About Me” page, which I will be getting to within the next couple of days. My name is Shannon, but I choose to go by Shanae. I am 26(on the 29th of this month) years old, and currently reside in the southern USA, however, it seems as if I might be moving to another region soon. More on that if it should come to pass. I am studying an undergraduate degree in computer science, and hopefully will be concentrating in software development. I have a 3 year old daughter, and am married to a pretty awesome guy. I’ve been through many hardships in my life, but can honestly say that they really have made me a better person despite sucking beyond all reason.

I’m a pretty “girly girl”, but also can get my hands dirty if I must. I grew up as an equestrian, and have had the privilage to ride both english and western, though that part of my life has been put on hold for many years, as, well, life happened. It’s something I will eventually revisit as soon as I am able. I’ve become quite the console gamer in my adult years, though I’ve stuck to mostly xbox. Lately, I have been venturing into the world on computer gaming/MMORPG…time sucking hobby, that one is. ^__^ I plan to travel within the next year or two, and the places I would like to visit first are the United Kingdom, Japan and South Korea. I love learning about new cultures and customs as well, and always keep an open mind of others.

I also occasionally enjoy creating wallpapers, and offering them to the public when I have time. Anyone is welcome to them, and they may be found on my deviantArt account, which there is a link to in my sidebar =3 You will notice over the next week or two that I will be attempting to add some content for my readers to the site. Nothing special, but more or less a “thank you” for stopping by. I will also give my own opinions and views on any products I try that I feel I must share with everyone. Don’t worry! I won’t spam my blog with a bunch of reviews of random shit.

I will also be posting beauty tips, some style tricks, and many other things. After all this IS my personal blog, but I want to be able to improve the lives of other women as well. If I can help jsut one woman out there with confidence in who she is, no matter her size, shape, color, creed or economic background, I’ll be happy. I know what it’s like to be your worst critic.